Internal Family Systems Suggests We Have Many 'Parts' Within Us
IFS is a relatively new form of therapy, which kind of surprises me since it's how I naturally think
Hiya!
My self-perspective shifted dramatically during a rough patch a few years ago when I began viewing myself as three people — my Past, Present, and Future Selves. I carried a notebook where I’d list things my Present Self did for my Future Self (like putting my laundry away instead of letting it sit) so that when my Present Self became my Future Self, I could thank my Past Self. It might seem silly, but it worked and initiated an unexpected curious adventure of self-discovery.
I started distinguishing and analyzing my emotions and feelings. It took time, but I eventually worked out which one feels like which and what they were trying to tell me. Now, I view my emotions as messengers sent from my subconscious. My job is to acknowledge their presence, listen to their message, and decide how to respond.
This shift in perspective, in viewing myself as a sort of manager of my different parts instead of their puppet, was revolutionary for me — but I didn’t realize until recently that I’d unintentionally stumbled into the basic concept of a popular new therapy called Internal Family Systems.
Internal Family Systems
Also known as “parts work,” the idea behind Internal Family Systems (IFS) is that every person has multiple parts of themselves, like sub-personalities, and getting to know these parts can help us live better.
While I stumbled into this mindset on my own within the last maybe five or six years, family therapist and author Richard Schwartz worked it out 40 years ago when treating adolescents with eating disorders.
The Idea
Schwartz told Allison Aubrey of NPR that he noticed a pattern in the 1980s while listening to his patients talk about their struggles with bulimia.
The patients repeatedly described various parts of themselves that they felt were interfering with their treatments, such as “the critic” who made them feel alone and worthless. He grew curious about these “parts” his patients described, and while mulling the concept over, he told Aubrey,
“I noticed them in myself. Oh my God, I’ve got them too.”
That he, too, identified different “parts” of himself blew his curiosity into a full-blown investigation of what these parts are, which eventually became his Internal Family System therapy model.
Looking Deeper
In Schwartz’s 2021 book, No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model, he explains that at the heart of the IFS is that our minds are not one-dimensional.
He explains that the idea of the mind being singular, which he refers to as the mono-mind model, can make us dislike or even fear ourselves. Believing we have one mind, one that’s full of sinful or primitive aspects we can’t control, can make us feel like our mind is against us.
Yet, and this is my observation, realizing that your mind feels like it’s against you proves that you are separate from your thoughts. After all, how can your mind be against you, if you are your mind?
Anyway, the Internal Family System acknowledges that we have different and often conflicting perspectives within us. We have the inner critic and inner child, the worrier, the victim, the immature one, the hopeful one, and more all existing within us. Some parts dominate our lives while others remain quiet or hide, and IFS aims to help people learn how to embrace each of them. To find balance in the different pieces of ourselves and discover a sense of wholeness.
How IFS Works
While there are many methods for utilizing IFS, Schwartz shared six basic steps with Aubrey:
1. Quiet your mind and look within
The first step is to acquaint yourself with your different parts. Like meditation, you can achieve this by simply sitting quietly and observing your thoughts, except while the goal of meditation is to clear your mind, the goal of this step is to pay attention to it.
When I unintentionally embarked on this curious adventure of self-discovery, I’d single out which thought incited the strongest demand for attention. Then, I did my best to label which feelings or emotions it invoked and which part of myself voiced it. In time, I learned to recognize which parts of myself were talking in my mind and link various feelings and emotions to the corresponding parts.
2. Start a dialogue with your parts.
Once you can identify your various parts, the next step is getting to know them. The point of IFS is that, like our emotions, none of our parts are bad — each part has a reason for existing and can provide helpful information if we pay attention.
Sometimes, when our thoughts or parts think something that makes us feel bad, our instinct is to shove it away or bury it mentally. But often, if we listen to or sit with this thought a little longer, we learn it isn’t trying to hurt us but protect us.
3. Take some space
Taking some space from your thoughts seems a little ironic or downright impossible since you can’t leave your head. But really, all it means is that by learning to separate or distinguish the chaos of multiple parts competing for attention, you also learn how to separate or differentiate yourself from your parts. In other words, “you” are the manager of your parts.
Sometimes, different parts might take over, like our anxious Selves, which can feel all-encompassing. But reminding yourself that the anxiety you’re experiencing is one part of you — not all of you — can help you regain control and perspective.
4. Get in touch with pain from childhood.
While the second step says that we don’t have any “bad” parts, this one takes it a step further. A large part of IFS teaches that we all have parts of ourselves that hold only painful memories, especially from childhood. In IFS, these are referred to as “exile parts,” because we tend to exile them from our minds by burying and ignoring them.
Even though our exiled parts can be easily triggered, Schwartz told Aubrey they’re “often our most sensitive and loving parts.”
5. Take a U-turn
If step four is a continuation of step two, then this step is a continuation of step three. Like in step three, sometimes, when life is super stressful, and we find ourselves engaging in lots of negative self-talk or feel like everything is falling apart, we need to take a mental step away and put some distance between ourselves and our thoughts.
Once we have some space, we can determine which part is trying to take over by triggering your anxiety, fear, or self-criticism. Then, you can remind it to trust you to find a solution — but that you can’t find one while it’s yelling in your ear.
6. Uncover the light within
After identifying, distinguishing, and learning your various parts, the next step is learning who you are. In IFS, the You, or Self, that exists beyond your parts is the leader or parent of your Internal Family System. You are who decides which parts to soothe or act on.
In the Future
IFS, or parts work, has understandably exploded in recent popularity as many people realize they, too, have an accumulation of “parts” within them. Over 6,000 therapists and practitioners have been IFS certified, focusing on a range of issues from coping with grief and other traumas to couples counseling.
As with many ideas, sometimes popularity can outpace research, and some therapists believe more research is needed before IFS grows too large. Still, studies so far, while small, suggest IFS can benefit people struggling with stress, depression, PTSD, and more.
Perspective Shift
It’s easy to allow ourselves to concede control of our minds to our parts. Meanwhile, maintaining internal awareness requires far more effort and energy when our external lives demand so much attention. But even recognizing that any part of ourselves is not our whole can help us regain control of our perspective and thoughts.
I’m thrilled Schwartz developed IFS and that it’s growing in popularity, but I can’t go as far as to call it revolutionary. Part of why my experience is so similar to IFS is because of Descardes’ infamous “I think therefore I am” quote, the “I am not my thoughts” meditation messaging, or the “learn to respond rather than react” advice I’ve seen on self-help stickers.
These blurbs of wisdom span centuries yet are semblances of IFS. The primary difference is that Schwarz took these words of wisdom and created a detailed and organized therapy around them. Still, I think IFS is valuable information and am glad this ancient wisdom has resurfaced.
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Wonderful article about an important subject. There is a book entitled “Core Transformation” which provides detailed techniques for addressing and healing our different “parts/selves”.
As an IFS lover and long-time student /practitioner of Internal Family Systems, I appreciated your cogent overview here! ❤️